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A passionate motivational speaker and life coach with a new reality-based, no-nonsense approach, Terry Taylor is the designer of a unique strategy for reaching your goals and loving your life. Creator of the CD program, 8 Steps For Reclaiming Your Life, and author of the upcoming book, This Is Your Life: No Apology Needed, her mission is to help you to break free from conflict, confusion and the control of others so you can go after your goals guilt-free, with confidence and joy.


Mind-Reading and Putting the “Magic” Back in Your Relationships

FEBRUARY’S BREAK FREE TIP shows you how to “make magic” in your relationships by not relying on magic!

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February’s coming up, the month when love is supposedly “in the air.” How about for you? Do you feel like the magic has gone out of one (or more) of your relationships?

If so, ask yourself:

* Do you think others – especially your loved ones – should “just know” what you are thinking or “somehow sense” how you are feeling?

* Do you think you should somehow be able to “read” your loved one’s mind?

So many times a good relationship goes sour because Person A says or does something that Person B takes offense at. When Person B doesn’t bother to give feedback, Person A is left in the dark about what’s going on in his friend’s mind.

You Have Two Choices

When you feel misunderstood by a friend you have two choices:

1. You can stop communicating and cut your friend out of your life. You can let your anger and disappointment lead to dismissing your friend as “uncaring” and “insensitive.” Without giving your friend a chance to know your reaction or explain himself your can end your communication and your friendship altogether. This choice may seem like “the easy way out,” but it is actually disrespectful of both yourself and your friend, and it hurts because it is unfair.

2. You can do some loving detective work with your friend. This allows you both to get a grip on “what happened.” By having the courtesy to share why and how your friend’s communication upset you, you give him the chance to share where he was “coming from.” This choice treats you both with respect and fairness. It allows you each to communicate without “walking on eggs” in fear of being “defriended,” and allows your understanding and your friendship to grow.

Friendship Requires Two-Way Communication

When you’re afraid of “hurting” your friendship it takes courage to tell a friend how upset you are about something he said or did. But if you cannot be honest with each other, the friendship is of little value to either one of you.

Communication can go something like this:

• PERSON A: “When you said that, I felt like you were attacking me.”

• PERSON B: “I didn’t mean it to come across that way! Because you’re my friend and you have a good mind, I was trying to share my thoughts about a policy that concerns me. Why did you think I was attacking you?”

• PERSON A: “Because I thought you were implying that it was all my fault for supporting that policy.”

• PERSON B: “I certainly didn’t mean to imply any such thing. I was appealing to you to share your thoughts about my concern so we could get to the bottom of it for the benefit of both of us.”

Different Levels of Friendship

What you share with another person depends on the nature of your relationship. Relationships range from formal and single-purpose exchanges to intimate all-encompassing exchanges. The more aspects of a person you value, the more you are attracted. The more you mutually value one another the more intimate will be your relationship.

No matter what the extent of your relationship, a healthy relationship has three basic requirements:

1. Self-Respect. This means that you honor your own self as an individual in your own right, with your own dreams and goals you have a right to pursue.

2. Mutual Respect. This means that each person honors the other person as an individual in his own right, with his own dreams and goals he has a right to pursue.

3. Two-Way Communication. This means that you have a desire to communicate with each other, you are receptive to each other’s communications and that you give feedback to each other about every communication. This last requirement is because we are not able to read each other’s minds. We must express and explore together to reach mutual understanding.

These three things help to put the magic back in your relationships. But what else can you do to have wonderful relationships?

HERE’S HOW TO GET STARTED

Step 1: Choose someone you value and enjoy being with. Without this, there can be no deep relationship. This also applies to business relationships and to “friendships from afar” that you enjoy communicating with even if you can’t be together.

Step 2: Choose someone you feel visible to and who is visible to you. This does not mean someone who can “read your mind,” but it does mean someone with whom you can communicate to reach wider and deeper levels of mutual understanding and valuing. When you don’t know how someone thinks and values and feels, you can’t feel close.

Step 3: Discuss what you each want out of the relationship and decide if it would be worth it. Discover what you have in common and see if your goals are compatible. If one party wants a formal business relationship and the other party wants an intimate personal relationship, neither party will be satisfied. If one party to a live-together relationship wants to live the life of a gypsy and the other wants to settle down in one place it will be difficult to be together.

Step 4: Do not waste your time with relationships that aren’t a good match for you and your values. Such relationships drain your life instead of uplifting it.

Step 5: Do not have so many relationships that you can’t do justice to most of them. There are so many wonderful people in this world and the most difficult thing for me is to say NO to a new relationship that I don’t have time for.

Step 6: Choose to commit yourself to a worthy relationship even through tough times. When things don’t go well, do what you can to give your relationship a chance. Ask yourself how you may have contributed to the problem. Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. And after the heat of the moment, be sure to give your relationship a fair hearing.

Step 7. Choose to let the relationship go if, despite your efforts, it causes one or both parties more pain than pleasure. Life is short. Out of mutual respect — and to make each of your lives the most magical — choose to concentrate on relationships that bring you each the most fulfillment and joy.

By choosing and cherishing the relationships that bring you the greatest value and joy you can keep the magic alive. You will feel more vital, more visible, and more fired up in going after your goals. And you will have friends with whom to celebrate and magnify your life. Happy February!

I’d love to hear how these steps work for you — feel free to email me at Terry@YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com or post a comment on my Break Free Tips on my Facebook page or at my website (www.YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com).

Note: To learn more about the healthy or harmful relationships, read This Is Your Life: No Apology Needed, now available at Amazon as an eBook. Also available as a paperback or CD at my website, www.YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com.

Always here to make your days more delicious,

Terry
Terry Jean Taylor
Your Recipe For Living Coach, LLC

A passionate motivational speaker and life coach with a new reality-based, no-nonsense approach, Terry Taylor is the designer of a unique strategy for reaching your goals and loving your life. Her CD program – 8 Steps For Reclaiming Your Life From Conflict, Confusion And The Control Of Others – is available at her website www.yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com, where you can also learn about her newly published book, This Is Your Life: No Apology Needed.

Your Recipe For Living Coach, LLC | PO Box 66 | McConnells | SC | 29726

Comments

2 Responses to “Mind-Reading and Putting the “Magic” Back in Your Relationships”

  1. 3mmc crystals on January 23rd, 2014 7:27 pm

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  2. 3mmc crystals on January 24th, 2014 8:38 pm

    Informative article, exactly what I needed.

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